I’ve heard some parents express
concern that their preteens don’t listen to them.
This is because preteens may
adopt an oblivious attitude or appear to “tune out.”
But parents should not
underestimate their influence. Preteens want to know their parents’ opinions
and values. They only tune out when parents lecture, preach, or scold.
So, a helpful tool for
communication with preteens is to express your opinions indirectly.
For example, you might comment
on the behavior of a television character to get a point across.
If a character is driving
recklessly, you could say, “It seems he’s being awfully irresponsible about his
friend’s safety.”
This kind of statement is usually
more effective with preteens than a direct statement like “How could he be so
reckless?” or “Don’t you ever drive like that!”
Along the same lines, if your
preteen wants to see a movie that you consider controversial, you might go see
it with her and then ask her opinions about it.
Instead of lecturing about how
bad the movie was, ask what she thought about the characters’ actions and
decisions.
This will not only give you
insight into her thinking, but can help you get your values across.
Finally, modeling the way you
want your children to act can be a very useful way of ‘giving advice’ silently.
It works.
