Parents
may be relieved to know that there are positive alternatives to struggling with
teens. The situation is never hopeless!
First,
be sure to use friendly actions whenever possible. Young people are very tuned
in to negativity and they react to it very badly. Sarcasm, for example, is
never a good idea.
Second,
use one-word messages whenever possible. It may be hard to focus your thoughts
into a single word but it is well worth the effort to try.
Once
you are focused, it is easier to get your child to focus appropriately as well.
Next,
set clear limits and stick to them. It’s hard, but effective, to do this.
Teach
children that when they say “no” they can do it in a respectful way. Remind
them it’s not the “no” that can be a problem, but rather how it is delivered
and what it seems to signify. Give them alternatives, and try to negotiate
win/win outcomes.
Focus
on priorities. Nothing gets communication off track more quickly than bogging
down in trivial matters.
Give
children appropriate ways to feel powerful. No one likes to feel powerless. It
can be frustrating and it can lead to more challenges.
Finally,
if a major blowup occurs, a cooling off period can often place many things into
perspective for young and old alike. All these actions can help you and your
struggling teen.
