From coast to coast
and around the globe, one of the most common questions parents ask children is,
“What did you do at school today?” A very common frustration we hear voiced by
parents is that their children invariably respond with “Nothing,” or “I don’t
know,” or “I don’t remember.”
It’s hard to deal
with because parents truly want to know the answer. They are very much
interested in what goes on inside and outside the classroom — what their
children are learning and what kinds of interactions they are having with other
students.
Through the years,
parents have gotten creative. Some give their children time to relax and
“decompress” after school before asking questions, hoping that the space will
provide the respite needed to prime the pump.
Others have changed
that initial question to one that seems more promising to start the
conversation. They ask open-ended things like, “How was your day?” or “Who made
you laugh today?” or “What games did you play at recess?” Other variations
include, “What was the best thing that happened today,” or its converse, “What
was the hardest thing that happened today?” These questions are met with
varying degrees of success.
Sara Ackerman, a
parent and teacher, recently wrote an article in the Washington Post
about a technique that finally worked with her own young daughter. She flipped
the script and asked, “Do you want to hear about my day?”
Her daughter said
yes and Ackerman then launched into a tale of meetings and photocopying, jammed
printers, lost keys, and funny comments from colleagues.
It worked. Her
daughter then took her turn telling her about the day that just ended.
Said Ackerman, “I
think my daughter is most interested in unveiling the mystery of what I do when
I’m not with her.
“It doesn’t matter
whether you’re a software developer, a cashier, a blogger, a doctor, a bus
driver, or a stay-at-home parent, because it’s not about the minutiae of the
work,” she said. “It’s about sharing what makes us laugh and what bores us, the
mistakes we make and what is hard for us, the interesting people we meet.”
Parents sometimes
forget that the skill involved in relating an experience is not simple or
innate. Children need to learn how to do it. The best way for them to learn is
to see how others do it and then imitate the behavior. Parents can be the best
models of all for this purpose.
As Ackerman
acknowledged, work is often the last thing parents want to talk about when they
get home. They think that a listing of the day’s details would bore anyone with
a pulse, especially a young person. Maybe the child feels the same way. That’s
why the game of sharing can be so effective.
Every child is
different and each needs a different approach, so this technique is certainly
not for everyone. But it’s worth a try in households where young children seem
reluctant or unable to relate the details of their day. Sharing and modeling
are easy ways for parents to help children learn how to relate, and it’s a
skill that could prove useful over a lifetime.
