Parenting is a challenge —
mostly because children seem determined to make it so.
When a parent is trying to get
a child to do something — or stop doing something — it is often easy to issue a
threat.
Some threats, delivered in the
“heat of battle,” can be counterproductive and undermine credibility:
“If you don’t come take your
bath right now, we are not going to Disneyland this weekend.” Or, “If you don’t stop bothering your sister,
I’m going to give away your new toys.”
It’s easy to think, “I’d never
say that” — but it’s a rare parent who has never gone that route under stress.
The problem is that children
are very good at sensing insincerity, and they know when a threat is so wild
that you will not follow through. That makes the process ineffective. It simply
doesn’t work.
Stating consequences can be a
very effective means of discipline, especially if there is a logical relation
between the response and the behavior, and if the consequences are carried out
exactly as described.
The bottom line is that it’s
very important for children to learn that you mean what you say. If a consequence
is credible, and if you follow through, the behavior stands a good chance of
changing in the direction you are hoping for.
Make yourself clear when
explaining consequences, and always follow through. That’s the best advice of
all.
