Children and crises

Radio Commentary

Whether it's a hurricane, tornado, or earthquake far away, or a fire or shooting closer to home, parents and other caregivers must meet the challenge of reassuring children during times of crisis.

The way caregivers respond has a huge impact on how children will react. 

To help, a booklet from the American Academy of Pediatrics and the Johnson & Johnson Pediatric Institute, called When Terrible Things Happen: A Parent’s Guide to Talking with Their Children, offers some good advice.

For example, infants and toddlers, age zero to three, can’t understand how a crisis or a loss has changed their environment. 

But they can recognize and respond to changes in adult behavior. 

The best way to help infants and toddlers is to keep a routine and resume normal activities as soon as possible. 

Pre-school children, age three to five, may not talk about their feelings openly. Talking while playing games or drawing pictures can help children of this age group express their thoughts more easily. 

School-aged children, age five to 12, have more understanding of how and why things happen and will want to ask questions. Parents can help by talking, listening and answering their questions directly and honestly.

We cannot control a crisis or a catastrophe. We can only control how we react to them, especially with our children.

Empathy important

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Understanding others begins with empathy. It is the act of putting yourself in another’s shoes.

Often teenagers can have difficulty in this area because their own problems seem to loom so large in their minds. The teenage years are the period when it is hardest to genuinely feel the emotional plight of others.

To help develop empathy, it is important to be a really good listener. When your children are speaking to you, regardless of the topic at hand, always listen to them with respect.

React to your teenager as you would to an adult friend. Make a real effort to listen as much as you talk.

When you have information to convey on an important topic, speak for half a minute or so, and then stop and let your child have a chance to react.

Accept the fact that most teens will complain sometimes. Let them air their grievances fully and completely. Try not to interrupt while they are expressing their feelings.

Most importantly, take time to have relaxed conversations alone with each of your children on a regular basis.

Frequent talks will help you spot difficulties before they become real problems.

It’s important that all involved be encouraged to talk AND to listen.

National Mentoring Month

By Bill Cirone, Santa Barbara County Superintendent of Schools

“If you can dream it, you can do it,” Walt Disney once said.

A senior executive with the Gallup polling organization recently summarized for educational and legislative policy makers the key ingredient that enables students to become dreamers and to succeed in school and in life. In a powerful address, he emphasized that the research was conclusive that “behind every student success story was a caring adult who provided hope.” That caring adult, in the words of one student surveyed, is “someone who encourages and believes in me.”

Clearly, mentoring is a critical component of student success, and January marks National Mentoring Month. Mentoring.org, which sponsors the initiative, notes that “Mentoring, at its core, guarantees young people that there is someone who cares about them, assures them they are not alone in dealing with day to-day challenges, and makes them feel like they matter.” As youngsters navigate an increasingly complex and complicated world, the idea of offering them mentoring is as important as it has ever been.

The data underscores this importance: vulnerable young adults who had a mentor are 55% more likely to enroll in college. They are 78% more likely to volunteer regularly. 90% are interested in becoming a mentor, and 130% more likely to hold leadership positions.

Beyond the educational impacts, however, are the positive impacts mentoring has on the daily lives of young people: youth who meet regularly with their mentors are 46% less likely than their peers to start using illegal drugs and 27% less likely to start drinking. Young adults who face an opportunity gap but have a mentor are 81% more likely to participate regularly in sports or extracurricular activities than those who do not.

A study showed that the strongest benefit from mentoring, and most consistent across risk groups, was a reduction in depressive symptoms. This is a particularly noteworthy finding, given that almost one in four youth reported troubling levels of these symptoms at baseline.

Mentors can also prepare their mentees for professional careers and assist with their workplace skills. They can help them set career goals, and can offer helpful suggestions as to the steps necessary to realize those goals. They can also learn at a young age the power of networking: they can develop personal contacts which can introduce young people to industry professionals, find internships, polish skills for seeking a job, interviewing for a job, and keeping a job.

“Light is the task” Homer once said, “where many share the toil.” Thankfully, there are many organizations throughout Santa Barbara County that “share the toil.” Fighting Back, Partners in Education, the Boys and Girls clubs, to name just a few, all place would-be mentors with local students.

Chelsea Duffy, executive director of Partners in Education, which since 1977 has been serving as a switching station that connects businesses and individuals with schools and youth-serving nonprofit organizations, sums it up best: “What we and classroom teachers all across Santa Barbara County have found,” she says, “is that it only takes one volunteer to encourage, to inspire and to reveal something new, opening the door of possibility.”

We are grateful to the hundreds of volunteers throughout Santa Barbara County who recognize the important work of mentoring tomorrow’s leaders. And for those who have been looking for a way to provide mentorship to youngsters, let National Mentoring Month be the occasion that launches your efforts.

If you have a sincere desire to be involved with a young person, active listening skills, and an ability to see solutions and opportunities, contact one of the organizations above today to get connected with a school or organization in your area that sponsors mentors.

In the words of a Buddhist proverb, ”If you light a lamp for someone it will brighten your own path.” There’s a young person eager to meet you, and the introduction will brighten your path as well.

Charting success

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It can be fun for children to create a “success chart” by designing a bar graph or a line graph to show progress on various tasks.

Be sure to keep the goals realistic. You might want to coordinate the plan with your child’s teacher, factoring in school effort or improvement.

Start out with small goals so your child can gain some positive momentum that can lead to larger successes. Talk with your child to increase their understanding and buy-in.

Building in incentives can be an important part of this activity.

Figure out what types of items work best in your family.

Rewards like a family activity, movie, or a computer game rental might be the right way to go.

Monetary rewards for reaching a goal might be appropriate if children learn to save it for something they really want, or use it to support an important cause.

Though positive reinforcement is an effective tool in changing behavior, everyone reacts differently. What is right for one child might not work well for another, so work with each child individually.

Allowing your children to chart their own progress is a great way for them to see and experience results.

And seeing improvement in such a graphic fashion can show them that their efforts do actually pay off. The hope is that they will see that hard work yields graphic results.

Enjoying reading

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It is important that children read well, and also that they like reading.

Experts say the best way parents can encourage this is to read to children often and show how much they enjoy reading themselves.

Start reading when children are very young. Take time to find interesting books. Nursery rhymes and fairy tales are good starters.

Some television shows can be helpful by introducing children to letters and words. However, TV programs generally use sentence structures that are not very complex, which isn’t as useful for learning language patterns.

That is why it’s important to read good literature to children. Children whose parents read to them will often try to read a little on their own or sound out words.

Remember:  There is no precise time or age when children should begin to read on their own.

For most children, reading readiness is a gradual process. It starts when they develop an awareness of print — like print on cereal boxes or store signs. Children want to read when it becomes important to them.

Most children will be more eager to read if they see it is something you enjoy. So set aside time for your own reading and become a good role model for your children.

47th Annual Author-Go-Round slated Jan. 23 through Jan. 27

News release

For the 47th year, upper elementary and junior high school students from schools throughout Santa Barbara County will have the chance to meet and talk with authors and illustrators of books for young people.

The occasion is the annual Author-Go-Round sponsored by the Santa Barbara County Education Office. Santa Barbara County students will attend the event Jan. 23 through Jan. 27 at the County Education Office Auditorium, 4400 Cathedral Oaks Road, Santa Barbara. The sessions will last from 9 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. each day.

Each day, approximately 130 students will have an opportunity to listen to four presentations and then spend 15 minutes asking questions and interacting with the authors while seated on carpets in small groups. At a music signal, they will rotate on to the next author.

Participating authors and illustrators include Caroline Arnold, Kristen Kitscher, Lee Wardlaw, and Eugene Yelchin.

The day is further highlighted with colorful carousel decorations and activities with prizes. Each day, one student will be chosen as best overall winner in the four activities categories and will receive a custom-made t-shirt commemorating the event and signed by the four authors and illustrators.

Students who participate will meet authors of books written specifically for young people, explore avenues of creative writing and illustrating with successful people in the field of literature, and read and discuss in-depth literary works by well-known authors.

Participating districts include Ballard, Blochman, Buellton, Carpinteria, College, Cuyama, Goleta, Guadalupe, Hope, Lompoc, Los Olivos, Montecito, Orcutt, Santa Barbara, Santa Maria-Bonita, Solvang, and Vista del Mar.

“This annual event pays tribute to the reading and writing of children’s literature,” said County Superintendent of Schools William J. Cirone, whose office coordinates the annual event. “The students come away with a sense that they have been involved with a real ‘literary happening.’ ”

Further information is available from Rose Koller, educational technology services, at 964-4710, ext. 5222.

Middle schoolers

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Middle school students need to know their parents are interested in their academic success, even if the students act as though they don’t care.

They might not tell you — but they do want their parents to offer support and protection, especially when problems arise.

Try these time-tested techniques:

• Talk with your child every day about what happened at school. Find ways to get even a short conversation going about classroom experiences.

• Spend time together. Relax and share a meal or snack. Tell your children often what their strengths are. Most teens need this reinforcement.

• Listen to your child’s worries. Try to point out and emphasize the positive. Support what you think is good about school. If there are concerns, offer to talk with school officials about practices you don’t think are good for your child.

• Don’t scold and argue when your child brings home bad news. Instead, listen to your child’s reasoning and help brainstorm ways to improve the situation.

Always let your children know you believe they can be successful. Such confidence can be contagious.

• Show that you value education by encouraging homework, and reading, above everything else.

Help your children pick a good time and place to study. Make sure they have everything they need — materials and your unconditional support.

Interactions

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It may seem obvious, but it is very important to talk with your children — really talk with them.

In this fast-paced world, it is easy to fall into conversational patterns like, “Hi, how are you?” or “How was your day?” But it’s well worth the extra effort to stay more connected to your family.

One of the most powerful conversation blockers is television. During meals, make “no TV” a priority. That way you can have a family conversation when all your schedules allow everyone to be present.

Children might complain if they have to miss their favorite shows, but make sure they understand that keeping up with other people’s lives, feelings, and concerns is important in every family.

In fact, mealtime conversation can prove enlightening for all involved. You can provide direct attention, support, and advice.

Lively discussions about current events might prevail. Whatever the topic, getting input from all family members succeeds in bringing you all closer together. Real interaction helps prevent misconceptions and misunderstandings.

It’s doubtful that anyone will miss the witty dialogue of a sit-com later in life, but they may well regret not knowing their children or parents as well as they could.

Start when the children are really young and it will be easier. Whatever the ages of your children, remember that interacting with them is always worth the effort.